I read this great article from the Erotica Readers & Writers Association about how to protect your identity as a writer, and how necessary it is to do so.
I have some thoughts since I’ve used a stage name for many years. I certainly understand first hand the need for a ‘nom de plume’, but I have some gripes about the need for it.
A ‘nom de plume’, or stage name, is a useful device to create a separate identity or personae. Nobody begrudges the actor or magician using a stage name. There’s no danger to them either. You’re not at risk to be “outed” or shamed as a human being.
For anyone involved in any way with sexuality, however, there’s a unique problem.
Part of the problem is that sexuality is considered a private affair, best left out of the public arena entirely. Sexuality is not considered overly relevant to public or social circumstances. And many people really would prefer the whole range of that messy business just stay in the closet (or the bedroom as the case may be!)
As with other areas of ‘the sex industry’, however, erotica writers really put themselves out there, and you’re automatically vulnerable just by being willing to talk out loud about being a sexual person. That vulnerability is only compounded by adding details that have an unpredictable effect on other people; excitement, disgust, curiosity, shock, awe and/or bewilderment.
The other part of the problem is, keeping sexuality separate from the private and social realms is absolutely necessary. My caveat, however, is that there is one, and only one, reason for that.
Sexuality is an adult pastime.
Children certainly do not have the maturity to discern subtleties that are inherently part of an activity that is one of the most intense and personal and they shouldn’t be overly exposed to it.
So sexuality should be kept on the down-low for that reason.
BUT…aside from that, it’s downright dysfunctional to keep it out of the public arena entirely. (Unless you’re OK with having our young, sexually maturing, adults feel distraught because they’re gay!)
Deliberately shielding sexual beings from the reality of a wide range of human sexual expression in order to be able to shame them is barbaric. Even if that’s not our intention, it’s the side effect of the Ghettoization of sexuality.
This whole rant is because a story like this one awakens a little fear in me that using my pen name to blog about my adult interests may not be enough to protect me from a vicious social mechanism that would shame me as a harlot not worthy of being seen as a capable professional woman in another setting.
I’m rallying for the right to keep my personal and professional lives safe from each other!
God forbid a woman take pole dance classes, buy sexy lingerie, read or write erotic fiction, go to a burlesque show, or have a Pinterest board celebrating ‘Bitch Boots & Hooker Shoes’!
For me, using a stage name is a deliberate device. It indicates a performance or personae that is rightfully outside of the bounds of my everyday identity.
Not shamefully…rightfully.
I also hope it indicates a big “fuck you” to anybody that expects a G-Rated personae from me 24/7 – ain’t gonna happen!
