I’m in a relationship with a man I’m convinced is on the spectrum, what they used to call an Aspie (for Asperger’s syndrome). From reading and sharing insights from other neurotypical women in relationships with Aspie men, I’ve come to learn first hand the challenges of what is called the Cassandra Phenomenon, named for the Greek myth of a woman cursed to have prophetic visions that no-one would believe.
In a nutshell, it’s a challenging relationship indeed. While I know logically he does not intend to hurt me, disbelieve me, or discount my emotional experiences and reality, the nature of being an Aspie makes it hard or impossible for him to relate to something that is just innate to the neurotypical person.
I wrote myself a letter to comfort myself, and to give myself the acknowledgement that my partner is unable to give me in the heat of conflict when I am in terrible distress because he’s so stoic and non-expressive. Every neurotypical in a relationship with an Aspie surely knows what I’m talking about here. But I’ve decided to create a Google doc of what I’ll just call “A Letter to the Cassandras” in the hopes that it can be adopted and used by others to give themselves some sense of love and comfort when they can’t get in the moment the acknowledgement they need from their beloved Aspie.
I’ve found it very beneficial to read aloud to myself, often more than once. I strongly encourage that someone else who uses it, customize it with their own name, the name of their beloved Aspie, and with the relevant details that reflect their own issues and challenges. What I’ve put in the Google doc linked below is verbatim my own letter to myself, and I trust that in many ways it may be generically applicable to many of the other “Cassandras” out there.
